If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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