we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
