I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
