i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
