What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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