A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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