I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
