I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
