On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
where are my pants?
in the oven.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
