I need to stop coming to work sober
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
