dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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