How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
