I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
