from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
