with your own penis?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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