In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
