I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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