Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
