Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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