the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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