Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
