the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize