you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I have fence marks all over my body
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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