Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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