WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We are all done wearing pants today
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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