She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Boobs speak an international language.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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