just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
