is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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