In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she smelled like a LAN party
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
