Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
