Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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