I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
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girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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