I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
