Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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