If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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