The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize