I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
