I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
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Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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