last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
