Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
