I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
