Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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