i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
