Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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