I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
