yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
