Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
