Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
