Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
