Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
