everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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