About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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