Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
