i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
