: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
