I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
