Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
