dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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