My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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