Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
