i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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