Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you inspire me to be a worse person
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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