Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
