i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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