The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
