i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
