eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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