Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
